By Alliance Communications Coordinator Amy Durr
Thanksgiving, that most innocuous of holidays. Family, food, football. No gifts required. The approved day for people to volunteer at soup kitchens and food pantries. So why don’t I celebrate it?
- Thanksgiving is based on a lie: Many Native American communities hold a National Day of Mourning on Thanksgiving to acknowledge the history of betrayal and colonization and remember their ancestors, too many of whom died violently.
- Family is complex and wounding for many: Thanksgiving could be called National Sweep It All Under the Rug Day in many families. Except does anything really stay under the rug? Others are grieving losses the holidays make more difficult.
- Children (and adults) are still hungry in the US in 2024: Just under 18% of families are facing food insecurity. Donating your “free” turkey and volunteering for one day at the local soup kitchen doesn’t change that. What does change it is policy, long-term personal and community commitment to ending hunger, policy, increasing equity and policy.
- Football still needs a tough reckoning: Upset losses (defeats when the home team was predicted to win) correlate with a 10% increase in domestic violence reported after a game. A look back at decades of divorce cases involving NFL players and abused spouses show a litany of violence and drug abuse. Is football fun? As fun as watching men get life-long brain injuries can be I suppose. Does football contribute to domestic violence rates in the US? Yes.
- The Patriarchy holds court on Thanksgiving: One year, bowing to societal and family expectations, I cooked an entire Thanksgiving meal by myself, from scratch. Butternut squash soup from butternut squashes, roasted Brussels sprouts from stalks, cake from flour and sugar, gravy from pan drippings. We ate in about 15 minutes, and then I cleaned the whole thing up. There are a lot of moms out there not living out the holiday joy they are tasked with creating.
Try Something Different
Does the US need Thanksgiving, or some sort of harvest festival? Great. Toss the fourth Thursday in November and choose another day. Divorce it from Native Americans, and, while you’re at it, support Native American land rights and reparations, donate to protect Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, listen to Native and indigenous activist voices and find your own meaningful local ways to support Native Americans.
It’s much healthier to “live out the brokenness,” as my therapist used to say, than to show up and pretend things are good. If it isn’t healthy or safe for you to be with your family on Thanksgiving, make a new tradition – my partner and I used to travel every Thanksgiving. Limit contact to an hour or two, celebrate with people who accept you or have a self-care day.
Just because society tells you something is good doesn’t mean it is. When things aren’t working for you for whatever reason, look at your options. My extended family wasn’t especially thrilled I decided to stop with Thanksgivings, but I set it as a non-negotiable and that was that. I know I never looked back.