By Alliance Communications Coordinator Amy Durr
Are you feeling bewildered and overwhelmed by the bizarre actions of our President?
You’re not alone, especially if you live in MN, his current and escalating target. His actions and those of his sycophants carrying out his dirty deeds, trigger a wide range of feelings and even trauma. It feels like terra infirma, a world turned upside down where allies are enemies and enemies are treated like royalty.
How can we deal with this? That’s why the Alliance for Sustainability co-created our positive and impactful Campaign for Sustainability, Health, Equity and Kindness (SHE Kindness) following the murder of George Floyd. We feel a key element of personal survival, and even thriving, is to understand what’s really happening. At the root is narcissism.
Facing Narcissists Like Trump
Many excellent pieces have been written recently about narcissism as a way to comprehend the deeply disturbing actions of the President and way too many other political, business and even nonprofit leaders.
We found perhaps one of the most cogent, clear and relevant explanations was from 2017 in a Facebook post by Nell Ziehl based on her personal experiences. It went viral, in part, because she laid out in simple terms how a narcissist acts, and why, with a specific reference to the newly elected President Trump. We feel her analysis is still relevant today, both for Trump and for the seemingly growing number of narcissists.
Ziehl captured the strong feelings – anger, insecurity, confusion, alienation, instability, bewilderment, inadequacy, betrayal, and emotional exhaustion, to name just a few — that people have when dealing with a narcissist. Knowing what prompts those feelings can help us process them and find resolution.
While there have been no formal diagnoses of Trump having narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), many people have come forward to agree. “It is easy to see that Trump meets the behavioral criteria for antisocial personality disorder,” including the 200 health professionals who said Trump has “malignant narcissism” in an open letter from 2024. The term malignant narcissism was originally coined by Erich Fromm, who escaped the Nazis, to explain the psychology of Hitler and other murderous dictators like him.
“The most powerful man in the world is both evil and demented. He has the most severe personality disorder actually that a human being can have,” says Dr. John Gartner, psychologist and former Johns Hopkins University Medical School professor, best known for founding “Duty to Warn,” a group of mental health professionals analyzing Donald Trump’s mental health.
Nell Ziehl’s Prophetic Social Media Post
Ziehl republished and updated her 2017 post:
“I wrote a post for my Facebook friends about my personal experience dealing with NPD in my family, and how I view the president-elect as a result. Unexpectedly, the post traveled widely, and it became clear that many people are also struggling with how to understand and deal with this kind of behavior in a position of power.
“Although several writers, including a few professionals, have publicly offered their thoughts on a diagnosis, I am not a professional and this is not a diagnosis. My post is not intended to persuade anyone or provide a comprehensive description of NPD. I am speaking purely from decades of dealing with NPD and sharing strategies that were helpful for me in coping and predicting behavior. The text below is adapted from my original Facebook post:
“I want to talk a little about narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve unfortunately had a great deal of experience with it, and I’m feeling badly for those of you who are trying to grapple with it for the first time because of our president-elect, who almost certainly suffers from it or a similar disorder. If I am correct, it has some very particular implications for the office. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- It’s not curable and it’s barely treatable
He is who he is. There is no getting better, or learning, or adapting. He’s not going to ‘rise to the occasion’ for more than maybe a couple hours. So just put that out of your mind. - He will say whatever feels most comfortable or good to him at any given time
He will lie a lot, and say totally different things to different people. Stop being surprised by this. While it’s important to pretend ‘good faith’ and remind him of promises, as Bernie Sanders and others are doing, that’s for his supporters, so they can see the inconsistency as it comes.
He won’t care. So if you’re trying to reconcile or analyze his words, don’t. It’s 100% not worth your time. Only pay attention to and address his actions. - You can influence him by making him feel good
There are already people like Steve Bannon who appear ready to use him for their own ends. The GOP is excited to try. Watch them, not him. President Obama, in his wisdom, may be treating him well in hopes of influencing him and averting the worst. But don’t count on it. - Entitlement is a key aspect of the disorder
As we are already seeing, he will likely not observe traditional boundaries of the office. He has already stated that rules don’t apply to him. This particular attribute has huge implications for the presidency and it will be important for everyone who can to hold him to the same standards as previous presidents. - We should expect that he only cares about himself and those he views as extensions of himself, like his children
People with NPD often can’t understand others as fully human or distinct. He desires accumulation of wealth and power because it fills a hole. (Melania is probably an acquired item, not an extension.) He will have no qualms at all about stealing everything he can from the country, and he’ll be happy to help others do so, if they make him feel good. He won’t view it as stealing but rather as something he’s entitled to do. This is likely the only thing he will intentionally accomplish. - It’s very, very confusing for non-disordered people to experience a disordered person with NPD
While often intelligent, charismatic, and charming, they do not reliably observe social conventions or demonstrate basic human empathy. It’s very common for non-disordered people to lower their own expectations and try to normalize the behavior. Do not do this and do not allow others, especially the media, to do this. If you start to feel foggy or unclear about why, step away until you recalibrate. - People with NPD often recruit helpers
These are referred to as “enablers” in the literature when they allow or cover for bad behavior, and “flying monkeys” when they perpetrate bad behavior on behalf of the narcissist. Although it’s easiest to prey on malicious people, good and vulnerable people can be unwittingly recruited. It will be important to support the good people around him if and when they attempt to stay clear or break away. - People with NPD often foster competition in people they control
Expect lots of chaos, firings, and recriminations. He will probably behave worse toward those closest to him, but that doesn’t mean (obviously) that his actions won’t have consequences for the rest of us. He will punish enemies. He may start out, as he has with the New York Times, with a confusing combination of punishment and reward, which is a classic abuse tactic for control. If you see your media cooperating or facilitating this behavior in order to receive rewards, call them on it. - Gaslighting—where someone tries to convince you that the reality you’ve experienced isn’t true—is real and torturous
He will gaslight, his followers will gaslight. Many of our politicians and media figures already gaslight, so it will be hard to distinguish his amplified version from what has already been normalized. Learn the signs and find ways to stay focused on what you know to be true. Note: it is typically not helpful to argue with people who are attempting to gaslight. You will only confuse yourself. Just walk away. - Whenever possible, do not focus on the narcissist or give him attention
Unfortunately we can’t and shouldn’t ignore the president, but don’t circulate his tweets or laugh at him—you are enabling him and getting his word out. (I’ve done this, of course, we all have… just try to be aware.) Pay attention to your own emotions: Do you sort of enjoy his clowning? Do you enjoy the outrage? Is this kind of fun and dramatic, in a sick way? You are adding to his energy. Focus on what you can change and how you can resist, where you are. We are all called to be leaders now, in the absence of leadership.”
Does this resonate for you and help explain the pain you might be experiencing? Personally, I’ve been concerned for a long time about narcissistic behaviors I’ve lived through. It’s still helpful for me to see a short, incisive list of the Big Ten NPD Behaviors to remind me why I may feel discombobulated at times. (And I do.)
The first nine seem doable, but the tenth is an ongoing challenge because narcissists almost always demand that you cater to them.
Why Addressing Narcissism Is Important for Sustainability
Why are we addressing this in a publication committed to sustainability, health, equity and kindness? If we don’t, it’ll be difficult to achieve any of them. I hope this article provides a survival guide not just for Trump, but for the rampant sociopathic narcissists we find in politics, business, nonprofits and relationships. It’s something I’ve been discussing with my therapist for years and which even Scientific American did a big feature on several years ago.
Sadly, therapist Dr. Yvette Erasmus said the only solution when dealing with a narcissist is to run! That is sage advice for a relationship, but what do you do if it’s your President or boss, especially if it’s embedded in your institution?
There is not a simple solution, but we can vote them out of office, impeach them or alert HR. At the very least, we can start by making sure everyone around us is fully aware, as Dr. Jen Fraser has written. Only by collective action can the narcissist be contained, and hopefully removed from every institution if we have any hope of sustainability.
We’d love to hear any solutions you’ve found.